Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty nest syndrome refers to the distress and other complicated emotions that parents often experience when their children leave home.

Of course, people want their children to grow up and lead independent lives. However, the experience of letting go is often bittersweet or emotionally challenging. Parents may feel lonely, sad, and have some degree of grief when their children leave the nest, whether it’s to live on their own, start a college career, or pursue their own relationships. Women normally suffer more than men do, and feelings of sadness may be more pronounced among stay-at-home parents whose lives were organized around meeting the everyday needs of their children.

This empty nest syndrome that many parents of adult children experience is not a clinical disorder or diagnosis. It reflects the emotional ambivalence of a normal life transitional period. While people often focus on the negative emotional aspects, this time in someone's life can open the door to new possibilities. Without the numerous obligations of caring for and raising another human being, people can take the opportunity to redefine who they are, decide what they want for the rest of their life, rededicate energy to their own careers or areas of interest, and renew the marital relationship. Parents can also enjoy building a more mature bond with their adult children that can be deeply satisfying to everyone involved.

Contents

Empty nesters may feel:

• Sadness
• Loss
• Depression
• Loneliness
• Distress
• Worry or anxiety over their child's well-being
• A loss of purpose and meaning in life
• Increased marital tensions

Professional help is recommended if the parent is crying excessively and for long periods, and especially if daily life and work are impeded.

Empty nest syndrome signals an opportunity to reorganize post-parenting life around adult needs. While empty nest parents miss their kids, they may also have a sense of relief from the day-to-day responsibilities of child-raising. They typically have the freedom to update or renew their own identity as individuals. Depending on the quality of the couple’s relationship, they may also enjoy increased intimacy and have more time to explore both shared and separate interests.

Soliciting feedback from your child about family life before they move out, kind of like an exit interview, can open up the lines of communication and lay the foundation for the next stage of the parent-child relationship. Ask them about their feelings on the family dynamic—the positive, the negative, and the mixed. Discuss what went well as they were growing up and what could have gone better. Try to understand any concerns they may have about family dynamics without judgment. Make a plan for how you will keep in touch and how to manage the new distance between you.